It never ceases to amaze me, even as I course through this fourth decade of life upon the planet called Earth, how affirming, comforting and enlivening it is to be in the company of supportive and kind-hearted people. It is as vital, I think, to our health and prosperity as good food and secure shelter. And just as absent from modern life.
We find ourselves in a time where material abundance and technological ‘assistance’ are more prolific than at any point in human history, and yet, those of us who dwell in the first world, whatever that is these days… the ‘progressed’ global West, are less happy, less fulfilled and more anxious than at any point in that same human history. You just have to travel somewhere less ‘affluent’ (I’m sorry about the swarm of quote-marks in this post, it’s excessive, even for me. I know) to experience the truth in that. To places that are less steeped in hyper-fast network coverage, and more in genuine, face-to-face social connection. They are happy, for the most part. Even through the perceived poverty and (at least to our eyes) unthinkable struggle. They are content in a way that most of us struggle to fathom.
So when we do find ourselves in something that approximates our Tribe, whether that be close family, old friends or the company of like minded souls, the affect on us is marked. The uplifting palpable. Johann Hari’s book Lost Connections covers this ground far more eloquently and completely than I can here, so I heartily recommend consuming it in whatever means is most accessible to you, but the long and short of it is this; Depression and anxiety are, in frighteningly large majority, attributable in some way to social loneliness and isolation. The solution not to be found in chemical prescription, but in social connection.
Contrast to this, the ultra-efficient means of social disconnection that is (anti)Social Media; a machine so elegantly complex and complete in it’s power to divorce us from our real-world connections, that its euphemistic name becomes a cruel joke to which no-one is really laughing, yet which we are all habitually, even enthusiastically, re-telling. It is not our future. It cannot be our future, if we are to hope to move beyond this moment in history, which feels more dire and consequential by the day.
I have a simple solution, though; get out to a club, a choir, an interest group, anything that increases your exposure to kindness. For every hour you spend steeping your mind in isolation and hate, whether it be doom-scrolling or sitting in the echo-chamber of your own fears, you need at least half as much again in the company of smiling faces. Of voices that are sounding tolerance and compassion, instead of vitriol and blame.
The way out was never through fear and judgement, that was the way in. So now we need to turn toward something kinder, and more helpful to growth. We need to plant gardens, not mines, into the soil of our social lives.
This post is a dedicated thank you to all the amazing souls I am beyond proud to call friends (you know who you are). Almost all of whom were found after my 40th birthday, and I’m certain their ranks will grow as I move past my 50th, and beyond. The only things you really need, after all, is an open mind, heart and a pinch of humble gratitude for the beauty that lies on that path.
The truism that just keeps being at the core of it; The more you know, the less you have to carry.
Just be careful; it’s easy to confuse what we think for what we know.